A Weight Loss Journey

The Journey Continues

2005-05-20T10:30:00.000-04:00

Good Morning All,

I had to take a break from posting. I've been kinda down for a while. A lot of emotional things going on. And with all that, I allowed it to effect my eating. Essentially, I gained back every pound I lost, and then some. I really have been unmotivated lately... and I'm really working on that. I'm getting to the point where I feel trapped in my own body, and I never felt that way before. Weird thing is, I'm finally beginning to see myself for what I am. A fat person. As weird as it sounds, I never really saw myself that way. It's kinda like I had shades over my eyes which distorted my view of myself. I didn't see me like others see me. I would see a picture of myself, but be in total denial about how big I really am.

I'm trying to pull out of this, but I'm starting to feel like I can't. I feel stuck, like no matter how much I move about, I can't change it. It's like I'm in quicksand and sinking really fast. I know some of this may sound weird.. but it's really where I'm at. I mean, I'm making some changes here and there, to get myself back to where I need to be... but my confidence in being able to loose this weight really took a big hit. For the first time in my life, I feel like I got a monster that I can't handle. I never ... EVER ... felt like there was something I just can't do. But this is really doing a number on me. So please keep the support coming. I really need it right now.

Update

2005-04-29T13:47:00.000-04:00

Not going to my meeting tomorrow. Got kinda busy all of a sudden. Grandma is moving to ATL (Atlanta) and I got recruited to drive her down there. I will resume posting next week. Just didn't want to leave you guys hanging.

-bless

New Tickers

2005-04-25T10:45:00.000-04:00

LOL! I had to change my tickers because Sherine told me I was confusing her. I changed my start weight from 317 to 319 (cuz I went up 2 pounds my first week up to 319.2). This way I'm going from my heighest weight ever and veiwing the changes there. That way ya'll won't be confused and mad at me because I'm making you think and pull out calculators. *LOL!*

Updated ticker

2005-04-25T10:30:00.000-04:00

This post will be updated every week. I had to go over this again... because it looks like i didn't lose any weight... but i did. I forgot i went up 2 pounds then came back down. But counting from when i started the blog.. I began at 317 and I'm currently clocking at 315.4.

I am down 1 pound this week! ;)

Five pound goal

10% weight loss goal:

Total Weightloss Goal

I'm so excited! And I just can't hide it! Wooooo Hooooo! A sister is back on track! Go me! Go me! Go me! *does the cabbage patch* LOL!

Week Six

2005-04-23T20:45:00.000-04:00

I lost that .8 pounds i gained from last week ya'll. I was down 1.6 total. That .8 brought me back to my original weight when I started the blog. When I began I actually gained 2.2 pounds and my highest weight ever was 319.2 pounds. So total... I came down 3.8 pounds. Make any sense?

Anywho... I'm gonna step it up. I think this 317 number is some type of plateau for me. I need to take the exercise up a notch. It doesn't help that I didn't exercise last week either. *whistles nervously* LOL!

Man, I was supposed to start dance classes today, but my friend canceled... yet again. Sooooooooooooo... I'm just going to get up early in the morning tomorrow and hit up the gym.

I'm going to start taking my measurement today... and charting it weekly in a book I bought for that. That should be fun.

Mid-week

2005-04-20T09:29:00.000-04:00

It's the middle of the week and it's gorgeous. I love when it gets warm out... but sometimes it's hard for me because I don't want to when it gets hot out. Does anyone else have that issue? Sometimes it's so hot and stuffy outside... that you just don't want to feel uncomfortable by eating a bunch of food. I'm gonna go for a walk on my lunch break. I want to feel the breeze.

Week Five

2005-04-17T14:51:00.000-04:00

Ahhhhhhhh... another week. I gained a pound... but I credit it to water weight (i got my friend yesterday morning before I weighted myself). I was expecting it... so I'm cool! It's 75 degrees outside right now. I just got in from doing some errands. I'm about to open the windows and let in the fresh air with the sunshine... and work on cleaning my home while my roomate is still gone. I'm soooooooooooo excited! Because cleaning is exercise... and I'm happy to do it. Plus I'm going to go outside for a walk before the sun goes down! What a beautiful day.

I also went to the market today and bought some fresh produce so I can have some salad this week... since its going to be anywhere from the mid 60's to the low 80's all week! I love spring.

Question on Measurements

2005-04-14T12:50:00.000-04:00

Okay, So.. I haven't started doing measurements, but I think I'm gonna start that this week. Someone told me (i forgot who... one of ya'll) where to go get the tape form. My question is do instructions come with it on how you are supposed to take correct measurements... or are you just supposed to wing it. *lol* I wanna make sure I'm doing it right.

Week Four

2005-04-09T16:45:00.000-04:00

Well ya'll... it's been a month and I lost just under 3 pounds(net). I'm happy... cuz that's 3 pounds I won't have to see any more! Bye bye now! Buh bye! I feel great. I went out for a walk today, to celebrate my weight loss. I thought that would be a good way to celebrate my small victories and at the same time... encourage myself to keep going.

Losing weight at a 28 year old is definitely more difficult than it was when I was 16 years old. Boy o boy... is this something that is definitely going to take all my effort. I think it finally kicked in to me just how much weight I want and need to lose. I'm trying not to be overwhelmed by it, but I have to admit, I sometimes have doubts that I can do it. BUT NOT TODAYYYYYYYY!

Mannnn, I tell you, I walked for an hour today. I did 4 laps around the outdoor track around the corner, then I walked to the gym and did 30 minutes on the tredmill. I feel great! Exercise makes you not want to eat a bunch of heavy food... or junk food... cuz you want to hold on to that good allover feeling you have afterwards. You know what I mean? Anywho... i'm about to make myself a nice salad for din-din. Talk to you all later.

Friday

2005-04-08T18:58:00.000-04:00

I went to work today, and a coworker told me that when you work out, your body starts to burn all the fat & energy it has stored, and detoxifies (is that a word) itself. He said that process is could be causing my headaches. You think there's any truth to that? He said i need to drink more water to help flush my body out. I'm going to try it. Tell me what ya'll think.

Middle of the week

2005-04-07T22:30:00.000-04:00

Ya'll I was so sick today. I had a bad headache. Needless to say, I didn't hit the gym. I hate that I have these stoopid headaches, cuz I can't function for crap. I hope it goes away (I still have it slightly). I came home early (around noon) and went straight to sleep cuz I was hurting so bad and I was nauseaous (sp?). I'm glad to be here by myself... so that means maybe I'll get a full nights sleep and wake up fresh enough to work out in the morning. On a lighter note tho, I found out that one of my friends from the dorms at NJIT lives in my building... on the same floor but on the other side! I was sooooo excited!! I went buy to see her when I woke up and talked to her a lil bit (I saw her man and he told me where they live). She told me she goes to hip-hop dance classes on Saturday nights... so I'm gonna start going with her. I'm so excited.... I can't wait to go. Ya'll gonna see me at the next party shaking my butt in the middle of the party like this: See me? Right there... in the middle? NO! You dont'! You know why? Because you can't even see in the middle ... it's so many folks shaking they butt. Ha ha! That's gonna be me.... watch! Shoot.. i'm dancing right now

Yeahhhhhh!

2005-04-05T20:27:00.000-04:00

I went to the gym today. I was so happy to get in there. But I was mad at the nasty butthole who was standing there outside the gym watching me on the treadmill. Dummy. Grrrrrrrrrrrr! I felt like doing one of these: . Don't be watching me punk! He's lucky he wasn't in the gym.. or he would have gotten it like this:

LOL!

It's Mondayyyyy...

2005-04-04T12:30:00.000-04:00

And I ain' t loose no weighttttttt! But it's okay cuz I didn't gain either. Whew! Don't want that set back... no sirreeee Bob.

Anywho... getting up in the mornings and going to the gym just ain't working out. Having a houseguest just makes it super hard. So, I resolve to do it after work 3 times a week and once on the weekends until he moves out. The problem is, he comes in and out at late times... which break up my sleep pattern. See, I have to call security and let them know it's okay for him to enter, then when he gets there he has to be buzzed into the building since I can't give him a key to the door. So whenever he come home, he wakes me up twice during the night. By the time my alarm goes off at 5:00... i'm dog tired and hella hard to wake myself up. I ususally don't get my bearings until almost 6:00 and by then it's too late to go and get in a good workout. I have to be out by 7:00 am. *Sigh*

But... when he doen't come home for a day or two.. I have no problems waking up refreshed (if I went to bed on time). So to make it easier... I'm just gonna be consistent and go the afternoons right after work. Then come in clean up, prepare dinner and eat. I'm home by 4:30... so I can be done with my workout by 5:30. We'll see how that goes. I'm used eating dinner before 6:00.... so this might be interesting.

Awwww Shucksss

2005-03-31T08:50:00.000-05:00

It got warm out... and I'm showing my negro tendencies. I'm sorry. I promise to get back on the ball and post at least every otherday. I'm so glad it's spring. The warm weather makes me feel so much better about myself. I think I hate the winter because the winter seems to make me feel down all the time. It's always cold.. and it's dark most of the time. I love the spring for it's brightness and freshness. The cool breezes in the morning time are a great benefit. My first spring on my own in my new place is gonna be off the chain...

(Yes Saleena... I'll plan a "house warming" soon... lol. It'll be more like a girls nite... okay?)

Anywho... I also like the spring because I tend to desire to eat less during the spring. I'd rather be outside somewhere feeling the wind on my face and looking at the blue sky than sitting in the house stuffing my face. Am I the only one who feels that way? I bet you guys do too. I'm so amped about loosing weight.... but I'm starting to feel very fearful for some reason. I'm really trying to shake the negative vibes of failure ya'll. It's like a little small voice that starting to nag me. It hasn't really gotten to me yet... but I'm starting to really hear it. When it does really start to get to me... i'll let ya'll know... because I'm really gonna need your support.

Uggghhhnnn...

2005-03-28T21:38:00.000-05:00

LOL! I got that from Kei... she got me thinking about that darn song now.

I had Lemon Pepper Talapia (fish) for dinner tonight. I pan "fried" it with a couple of table spoons of oil. MMmmm mmmm that was good. And I don't even like fish that much. I didn't drink enough water today. I'm gonna drink it all down now before I go to bed.

Jitters

2005-03-27T15:27:00.000-05:00

I don't know why I'm so nervous. I had a great loss this week, but I'm nervous about next week. I don't know if it's because I feel like I won't be able to do well, or if it's just because I just want to keep up the momentum. And by momentum, I just mean to keep losing. Doesn't matter how much, just keep loosing. I can't stress how happy I am that it's getting warmer outdoors now. I need to be able to walk around with out a heavy coat. The warm weather is an opportunity for me to become more active. I gotta admit though, I'm not looking forward to looking around and seeing all the women that can wear all the cool stuff, and I can't. I'll just use the desire to wear what they do as motivation and get on the job of losing this weight. I am kinda amped tho... just excited about getting to a healthy normal weight.

Don't laugh at me, but I am scared about one thing. I hope I don't have loose skin hanging all over the place when I loose the weight. That would be soooooo unattractive. I'm gonna have to find someone to pay for me to have surgery and fix all that. Can't be walking around with wings on my arm, breast looking like feeding bags for horses, and saddlebags on my thighs. :( Ewwwwww... So .. not... sexy.

Week Two!

2005-03-26T16:18:00.000-05:00

Heyyyyy Yaaaaaa! Heeeyyy Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

LOL! I'm so happy. Why, might you ask? Well... I went to my meeting to get weighed in today and I lost 3.6 pounds this week. That's right. You girl lost about a gallon of water worth of weight. And mannnnnn is this one happy sister or what! I jumped off that scale doing a lil jig and everything. LOL!

But seriously, I'm so excited. It's a feeling of great accomplishment to get back on the right track, ya know? It's like... I can make a change if I try hard enough. I'm feeling really unstoppable right now. Makes me want to go outside on this beautiful day and run a mile around my town... Okay, so I'm lying. I won't run a mile. But I will walk to the gym and do 45 minutes on the treadmill. Off I go.

Chicken Meal Ideas

2005-03-23T12:40:00.000-05:00

I got a whole heap of chicken in my freezer that I need to cook. Problem is, I need new recipies. Any ideas? Preferably something that ain't all oily. I got boneless skinless chicken breasts. Thank ya kindly peoples. ;)

Work Ouuuuuutttt!

2005-03-22T18:55:00.000-05:00

Mannnnnnn....

I had a bizzanging work out today. I mean all I did was walk the treadmill... but boyyyyyyyyy... my fat cells was hollerin' for mercy! (^_^) tee hee... I cracks myself up sometimes.

Any who, i got to work, and I didn't want to eat.. then I got all kinds of cramps (my time) and it got so bad... I couldn't concentrate. I went to the bathroom lounge area and took a nap... still didn't help. So I left and came home. I got home and went to sleep. I'm feeling better now tho.

Awwww man

2005-03-21T22:35:00.000-05:00

I feel like such a ding bat right now. I know why i gained weight this week. Hint.. happens every month. If ya'll can only see me blushing from embarrassment right now. My calculations were way off.. cuz I swear I wasn't due for this until NEXT weekend. Duhhhhhhhhhhh! *lol*

First Day of Spring

2005-03-21T08:30:00.000-05:00

It's the first day of spring. It's a crappy day outside... but I'm feeling alot better about the whole situation. I was a little bit frustrated because my efforts seemed to have a negative effect on what I was trying to do... but I over that. I decided it's no point dwelling in the past. Look to the future, brighter days and victories are on the horizon. I was up kinda late last night thinking some things through. I realized that everything I really wanted in life... I had to fight for. Why should this be any different? It's not going to come easy, because it's not meant to come easy. Perseverance implies pain and suffering. This is something I know I am going to have to suffer through... and I'm all for it.

On the flip side, my absent-minded self forgot to bring my food today (don't know how I did that) so now... i have to spend money. Dang I hate that. That really bites. *lol*

Week One Down

2005-03-20T11:38:00.000-05:00

Okay, so this week I decided to begin documenting this new journey in my life. I gotta admit... it was a week were I thought I was doing well, but I gained 2.2 pounds during from Sunday to Satuday. This caused me to take a look at what I did... and I really can't see where I went wrong, except for the lack of sleep. So, I'm changing that. From now on, a sister will be getting some much needed rest, and more exercise... and more meal planning. I have to admit, I'm still a lil' bit bummed about my results... but I am determined not to be 320 pounds. That's a wake up call for me. I feel like breaking down in tears just typing this, but I know it won't help. Maybe I should go take a walk in the rain and kick some rocks...

Anyone know where I can go to buy a measuring tape so I can take down my measurements?

Depression...

2005-03-19T21:18:00.000-05:00

I went to my Weight Watchers meeting today. I GAINDED 2 pounds! Why? I was bawling out before the meeging started. Two of the ladies were there trying to console me... but I was too upset. I mean crying uncontrollably. I honestly felt like I didn't belong there and I should just give up. I knew that wasn't the answer, but at the time that's how i felt. I stayed for the meeting... and I gotta tell you the meeting made me feel a whole lot better. I walked out, went to the supermarket, bought my fruits an d veggies for the week like I always do on Satuday, went to visit Sherine and came home. I ate my lunch (while wheat pasta and sauce I made) and watched tv. By 2 o'clock, I was asleep. I just woke up. I still feel kind of sucky.

Lunch Anyone?

2005-03-18T13:32:00.000-05:00

*Singing*

Yummy yummy yummy

I got salad in my tummy...

And I'm feeling good right noooooow

I made a salad with Romaine lettuce, red onion, kidney beans, shreaded carrot, raw broccoli, and a little diced turkey breast. I had this fat free rasberry vinegarette dressing (about two tablespoons). Mmmmmmmm mmm that was good!

What did ya'll have?

Take Dat, Take Dat, Take Dat

2005-03-18T08:30:00.000-05:00

Went to the gym again this morning (after I missed yesterday due to oversleeping). I almost didn't make it cuz I spent 15 minutes looking for my key to the gym. I found it, so instead of my 45 min workout, I only got in a half hour. I'm going again tomorrow morning though, bright and early. :D

I can't wait for my stomach to get smaller. The pregnant look ain't really one to go for when you aren't expecting. Not sexy at all.

My new buddy is working out great! We had a talk this morning. She is so excited. I'm excited for her too. This is going to be fun. I told her about the singing fat cells the other day. She laughed so hard she started crying. I think that's what convinced her. *lol*

I think I found a new buddy...

2005-03-17T14:45:00.000-05:00

Awwww shucks!

*DBS dances in her chair*

I been talking to my co-worker about losing weight, and I think I convinced her to do what I'm doing ;)

I got a new buddy.

*keeps on dancin'*

I'm happy now, cuz today is a rather slow day (hence the nodding off) and I am bored. I usually eat when I'm bored... but instead of doing that I'm making this journal entry and drinking this water. i should take a picture of my water jug and show ya'll what it looky like. it's a 2.2 liter bottle. I try to drink it everyday (but I haven't been able to do it so far). I did good today, cuz I drank half way down.

Sleepy!

2005-03-17T09:50:00.000-05:00

Man, I overslept again this morning. That's what I get for chatting online with Kei and Feather in the wee hours of the night. I didn't hear my alarm when it went off at 5:00 am or when it went off at 6:00 am. So needless to say... i missed my appointment at the gym :(

That's okay tho, cuz I'm just going to go after work. I don't have to work late (not really). So, I'm just going to go as soon as I get home. Luckily I made tonights dinner yesterday. I'm going to have whole wheat pasta. I made the sauce yesterday. A whole heap of sauteed mushrooms, onions and peppers. Yum!

So anyway, back on topic... I made a decision. I have to set a bed time for myself for the night before I go to the gym. So, from now on... I gotta be in the bed by 10:00 pm. That way, my body can get enough rest.

Kei, Feather and Tash

2005-03-16T10:47:00.000-05:00

Where ya'll at? I haven't spoken to ya in two days. How's everything going? I decided I'm going to exercise every other day, that way... i am in the gym 3-4 times a week, depending on the week. This weeks schedule Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday. Next week Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Sunday. I'm so amped! I'll do that for about a month, to get myself back in the swing of things. And if I feel the need to increase it to 4 - 5 times a week, I will.

Kei, I hope you are winning the fight against caramel apples. I donated a dollar to the cause last week. *LOL*

Bad Words

2005-03-15T13:33:00.000-05:00

I just made a new rule for my office, because my co-workers have a habit of using horrible... i mean filthy language when they are here. I mean really... they gonna have to stop all that. The throwing these words out there and it making my ears hurt. If someone else says "chocolate" or "potato chips" I swear I'm going to have to report them to HR. :P

Day Two

2005-03-15T08:25:00.000-05:00

Yay! I got up at 5:00 am and jumped out of bed, ready to take on that treadmill! Ha ha fat cells! Take dat, take dat, take dat!

Okay, so I'm lying. I woke up groggy and tired at 5:00 am watching the clock with one eye open until 5:15. At the same time my temporary roomie was getting ready to get some sleep. I hate him for that. *lol*

But at 5:30 I was out the door and by 5:35 I was on that treadmill. I figured i'd do 30 minutes, since I hadn't worked out regularly in months. It was great. By the time it was over and I walked back to my apartment, I could hear the fat cells screaming "No! How could you do this to us?! We love you... why are you trying to hurt us?! We're melting... melting..... ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

Man, I forgot how much I love that feeling! Ya'll know what I'm talking about? The tingle your body gets from working out. Sometimes it almost feels like the fat cells are jumping around from all the excitement. Almost like you gave your body a shock. *lol* I'm gonna be wired for the rest of the day. I had eggs again this morning minus the sausage this time. I brought yogurt for a snack. I had nuts and carrots packed for snacks too, but somehow I forgot them. Darn. :
*11:00am*

Skinny folks are evil, but they disguise the evil with "good intentions". *lol* My manager went on vacation last week, and brought back some chocolates. She had the nerve to ask us which ones should she put out.. the dark chocolates or the milk chocolates. I told her to put out the milk ones, because I have a crush on dark chocolate. *LOL* She put the stoopid box out in the open displaying it all nice. Ask me why i took the box lid and placeed it in front of the box to keep it out of sight when I walk past. Don't be trying to tempt me lady.

First Steps

2005-03-14T15:00:00.000-05:00

8:00 am.

Gosh darnit. Wouldn't you know it. The first day of my new life and I over slept! Didn't make it to the gym at 5:30 like I planned. I woke up at 6:00. Normally... that would make me feel like such a failure. *Sigh* Not today though. I resolved to go tonight soon as I get home from work. I'm still feeling a little salty about that though. I tried to go to the gym yesterday to use the tredmill... and as soon as i got there.. all three people in the gym had gotten on the only 3 working tredmills available. Of course, no one was on any of the other machines. Just the treadmills. Grrrrrr!

Oh well, at least I can still control what I have for breakfast. Scrambled eggs and oven-baked turkey sausage anyone?

Skip to 11:30 am.

It's lunch time for me. And since my lazy butt didn't bring lunch... i had to buy it from the cafeteria. Let's see... I picked Honey Teriyaki Glazed Salmon (it was a very very light glaze... could barely taste it), steamed carrots and steamed green beans. It wasn't that bad. I'm a fan of veggies..so I was quite content with my choice. I ate it... and I must admit... i'm pretty darn full.

Extras

2005-03-13T16:47:00.000-05:00

I created a little ticker to show my beginning status, current progress and end goal...

I need to loose 167 pounds total. That ticker shows my total goal. I figured my best way to acheive this is to set small goals along the way. At the begining (right now) I weigh abut 317 pounds. My goal is to lose 10% of my body weight... which is roughly 32 pounds. I'm not putting a time limit on the goal. That's just my current goal. So I created a ticker for that...

Wow... not that I am sharing this with folks, I'm starting to feel a little pressure. lol. This is good.. i think...

The Beginning

2005-03-13T16:09:00.000-05:00

Okay, so ... I have come to realize and accept the fact that I am overweight. How odd is it that one can be overweight and not acknowledge it? I guess the fact that others don't acknowledge it doesn't help either. I wonder if the concept of an elephant in the living room (a term used for people who ignore a substance abuse problem of a loved one) carries over to someone with weight issues? LOL! I jest... but still... it's pretty deep how no one really talks to me about the issue. No one speaks up to tell me what I look like. No on mentions that slowly ... but surely, I am killing myself by consumption of food. No one mentions that my clothes seem to be fitting that much more snug than the last time they saw me wear the same outfit a month ago.... it just goes ignored. Interesting...

I don' t know if it's that way because people think you will get all defensive. Honestly, I can see how people may take offense to acknowledgement of the harsh truth. I say harsh because if you are in denial of your situation... that's exactly how you are going to take any acknowledgement or intervention efforts... harshly. Truth be told I wish someone had tired to intervene, but at the same truth is... it would not have been changed unless I was willing to acknowledge my own problems (issues). No one can change you but you.

Anywho... I noticed it. I ignored it. I decided to do so no longer. So I created this blog about me... as kind of a way to keep track of my journey to lose the weight. Who knows how it's going to turn out. I just want this to be something I'm proud of in the end. So... here's to the beginning of a journey.

DBS